i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
