life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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