goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
