i can't believe i had my finger in that
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
