who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
