Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
where are you?
Hypothermia
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
