im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
