everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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