I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
