fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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