Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
me + whiskey = a bad person
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
