I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
