Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize