How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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