Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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