Where did you get a picture of my penis
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
