i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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