I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
