why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
