Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
