Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
