What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
