I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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