You really coming over, don't trick.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
