This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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