um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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