Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
