Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
