Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
