Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
