i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
