That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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