you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
