I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
