he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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