I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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