Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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