mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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