is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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