Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
