I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Randomize
