The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hippo gnu deer
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
