too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Life is so much better after having sex.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
