finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
