saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He shit in the fireplace
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
