If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
