Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
