Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
