Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
