i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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