someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize