You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
