I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
