Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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