Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
