i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So much rum. So many feels.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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