So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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