i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
