If i come over, it means nothing
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
