First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
