i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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