seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
