My sheets look like a crime scene.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
