This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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