I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
