either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your cock deserves a montage
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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