drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
