Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
