I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
