I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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