Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
