if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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