youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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