i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize