So drunk its hurt
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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