last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
