My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
